Nature is 17

September 9, 2017

Today is one of the 3 days in the year when all bad thoughts leave me.  In almost 50 years of living, I have naturally accumulated a fair amount of bitterness and regret, but on this day I am always awash with joy.  On this day, I get to enjoy the fruits of my labor; literally.  Our not-so-little boy turns 17 today, and celebrating birthdays is one of my favorite parts of this job. It’s the time of year that gives me the fuel to zoom through the year ahead.

You hear it all the time, “Parenting is a thankless job.”  When they are young, you will follow one kid to pick up the mess, and have another kid following you, making even more of a mess behind you. When they are potty training, you find yourself asking every 15 minutes “Do you need to pee? How about now? How about now?  Ah shit, you already peed in your pants, eh?” And you wash the wet sheets, pants, undies, chair, carseat, etc., over and over and over… When they start Kindergarten, you let them go with your heart in your throat, frantically wondering if they will remember what you taught them; to listen to the teacher, to play nicely with others, and to try not to pee in their pants. You pick them up after school, and then you begin the many years of Homework Hell.  “Do you have homework?” “Don’t forget to do your homework.”  “Do your homework before you go out with your friends.” “I don’t care what time it is now; you need to finish your homework!” “You say you forgot your homework on the kitchen table?  I’ll bring it to school for you…*sigh*” And there will never be enough food in the world to fill their bottomless stomachs. The Hungry Caterpillar ain’t got nuthin’ on growing children.  At least the caterpillar couldn’t whine, “I’m HUNNGGRRRYYYY!” all day long. In between meals, there are life lessons you try to teach every day; you try to teach them about honesty, integrity, loyalty; you encourage them to do their best, to be creative, to have fun, to not give up. You hope these things stick, but you don’t have x-ray vision, so you don’t know.

Then, seemingly overnight, they spin a Teenage Chrysalis, waking up with dark moods and melancholy, filtering the world through the walls of their hormone-filled cocoon.  There are times when no amount of logic will penetrate, everything you do is wrong, and it seems as if all the love you offer is unwanted. You look in the mirror and wonder why you chose to stay at home to endlessly cook and clean for kids who seem not to care. You feel like you are talking to zombies when you do your best to teach them how to make good choices, how to be responsible, and how to be kind.  Even after you send them off to college, you occasionally hear news of crazy times and behavior that makes you cringe and wonder if they ever listened to you at all.

As a full-time Stay-at-Home Mom, there are still many days when I hiss to myself, “And I do this to myself…FOR FREEEEE?!” Where are our paychecks? Where is my 401K and who will match it for me?  Every two weeks, most of you get some cold hard cash for your efforts in the workplace. Over the past 24 years, I have been given pee on the floor, vomit in my hands, chunks of self-cut hair, bubblegum stuck under tables, and dried boogers stuck on walls.  Try buying a nice pair of shoes with that.

But this job does have great benefits.  When they were young and I threw up my hands, fed up with the never-ending need for cleaning, only then did I notice that the kids were playing together, laughing great big belly laughs that made me grin. When little Simon was potty training, he ran around naked all day, stuttering and lisping, “NO C-C-C-C-CLOTHETH!  I AM NATURE! Nature d-dd-doethn’t need no clotheth!”  And when I woke up in the middle of every night to carry him to the bathroom so his little bladder wouldn’t wet the sheets, his head would lay heavily on my shoulder and he would sleepily whisper, “I luh-yoo Mama.” In Kindergarten, I had extra fear and anxiety – would the other kids tease him about his special (Ectrodactyly) hand? Would he be sad because he could never swing on the monkey bars like the other kids?  Instead, ever-sunny Simon came home and crowed, “BEST FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER!” And Homework Hell?  Ok, I admit it –  I’m still suffering in it.  Nobody is perfect, eh? But this year, he seems to have a new resolve to try harder and hasn’t repeated his usual lines from the last year (“school is boring – what am I going to need the memorized Table of Elements for in my real life?!”). He is still my Hungry Caterpillar – never NOT hungry – very Hobbit-like with his second breakfasts, and suppers following dinners. He keeps track of his macronutrients and avoids trans fats and sugar like a mature adult, but his weakness for Nutella betrays the little kid inside. He is a body-building machine, but isn’t such a fanatic that he would say no to a spam musubi. Simon couldn’t avoid spinning and living in the dreaded Teen Chrysalis for the past couple of years, with its dark package of moodiness and short temper; but he wouldn’t be human otherwise. It’s part of his differentiating and it is the actual Pain in Growing Pains. Having survived 2 other teens, we know the light at the end of the tunnel is fast approaching so we will indulge him every now and then. Even now, he is already more thoughtful and self-reflective…quicker to apologize and slower to anger.

We’ve tried to teach him everything he needs to become what we have always wished for our children: to be a kind person who stands up for those who cannot do for themselves, and a thoughtful person who tries his best to contribute Good to the world.  Lofty goals for a little boy. I still don’t have x-ray vision, so I still don’t know if all of our lessons truly stuck.  But when he came home to tell us about a bully hitting another boy last year, and how he pulled that bully off of the boy and stuck up for the boy, I thought, “Loyalty-CHECK. Kindness-CHECK” When we spent this summer trying to tempt him to come away and vacation in fun places with us, and he responded with, “Aw, I wish, but I don’t want to let the coaches down. They want us to go to workouts every day – I can’t be a slacker” I thought, “Honesty-CHECK. Integrity-CHECK. Trying his best-CHECK.” When Simon loves, he loves big.  He loves being a linebacker, he loves throwing the javelin, he loves anything that makes him laugh, he loves his friends, and he loves his family.  He’s a hulking 6 feet tall and never hesitates to stoop down and give his short little parents hugs and kisses, no matter where we are.  His voice is an octave lower now, but he is still not afraid to holler, “I LOVE YOU!” even if he’s on a busy street or surrounded by other kids at school.

So there you have it. The pay sucks, there’s no health insurance, and the last of the benefits is 2 years away from heading off to college. Sniff.  Today, however, the fruit of my labor woke up with a big smile on his face from helping his team win the varsity football game last night.  He will sit at the Birthday Breakfast Table, inhale his requested Eggs Benedict breakfast, and be thankful to open his birthday gifts. Since it is just the 2 of us for this birthday this year, he will be sad without the rest of the family to celebrate with him; but because he is my sunny Simon, he will make the best of it and try to make me laugh.  Did I actually complain about no paycheck in this career of mine?  PAYcheck?!  I don’t need no stinkin’ Paycheck! I also don’t really need x-ray vision – I have 3 loving, grown children, who are living proof that I did my job well.  Happy 17thBirthday, Nature!  And don’t forget that I luh-yoo too, Simon.

 

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