Emmy’s Glue

December 13, 2018

You know Elmer’s Glue? We have Emmy’s Glue. When our family gets fractured, when we struggle to like each other, Emily reminds us that we are one. She is the only person I know who truly loves unconditionally.  If you have a heart, she has room in her heart for you.

Most kids grow up and escape to college, relieved to have the freedom that comes with living away from home. Emily left home with great reluctance, so terribly homesick. Maybe it was because the five of us had to pick up and move every few years of our lives, but the kids grew up best friends. Even though Emily is six years older than Hanna and eight years older than Simon, they are bound fast together. Emily wished so desperately for a sister and brothers when she was in preschool. She would beg every day, telling us that she met her two brothers and one sister as they all stood in line up in Heaven, waiting to come down to become our family.  She would tell us, “Hurry up, they’ve been waiting a long time!” When we finally had Hanna and Simon, it was like Christmas had come early for her. They couldn’t have asked for a better big sister. I like to think that even though we may have had children without the nudging of our cute little kindergartener, they may not have been these particular ones. After all, these ones were hand-picked by Emily up in Heaven. We didn’t know we needed it, but she gave our family new life.

Life has been tough at times, teaching Emmy strength while she struggled. She has had her heart broken by a boy, she has lost pieces of her heart when good friends have died, and she has had to tackle things in her twenties that most people won’t face until their sixties. How many of you got a call in the summer of your 22ndyear, telling you to drop your job and leave your boyfriend behind, so you could move home and help your mom recover from cancer? How many of you, facing the first Easter with your little brother and sister alone, worrying about your mom having surgery, managed to arrange the most amazing Easter egg hunt ever? Before the kids woke up, she had tied an end of yarn to each of them and they had to follow their lengths of yarn allllll over the house and garden to finally come upon their Easter baskets. They all described it to me later in the week, and I can just picture the spiderweb of colored yarn, crisscrossing through the house. She kept them busy and entertained, so there was no time to worry about me – pure genius.

When Emily went back to school that Fall, she realized that she really had enjoyed living at home.  Unfortunately, we moved to the Seattle area shortly after that, leaving her to finish university in Canada. We tried to fly her home or go out to visit her as often as we could, but goodbyes just got harder for her. Her birthday mornings boiled down to Facetime calls from us, singing Happy Birthday to her, and gifts and flowers sent via Amazon.com. When it was time for our birthdays, we would Facetime her into our breakfast celebrations and she would look on with longing. Whenever she visited, I could see that every moment was precious to her. Things as simple as walking the dog or having a family dinner were special events for her that she experienced and stored in her heart to remember on a lonely day in Calgary. When she was home, we all laughed more, loved more, and were reminded of how we shouldn’t take each other for granted. Every time we brought her to the airport to fly back to Calgary, she melted into tears to have to say goodbye again. We started telling her to stay.

Finally, when the flights home started becoming a monthly appointment, we started nagging her to move to Seattle the way she nagged us to have babies…” You’re gonna LOVE it!” “I promise to help!” “This is going to be so much FUN!” She finally gave in, transferred to Gonzaga University graduate school, and Markus drove her home to us with her two cats in tow on September 29th. She found a full-time job using her compassion and communication skills at the family-owned funeral home across the street and is acing her master’s program at Gonzaga. She walks home every day for lunch, and I love hearing her cheerful voice sing out, “I’m home!” when she walks in the door.

This morning, our whole family woke her up by singing Happy Birthday in-person. We brought her down to the breakfast celebration table and she ate homemade carrot cake decorated by Hanna. She unwrapped all her presents, ate Germany eggs, and drank lots of coffee to try to wake up. Then, she had to run to work. It was a hard day at work because she helped to conduct a viewing for a local boy who was Hanna’s age. Her compassion and empathy provide comfort to many, and the one thing that keeps her strong is her knowledge that she has us. She can afford to give away love, because she knows she will come home and be replenished.

Her Master’s thesis is shaping up to be something along the lines of the extent our society denies death and subsequently fears death. She believes death is a normal part of our journey and that it should be approached with peace, not fear. Using proper communication and leaning away from the sensationalized images of death from the media, we should be able to lift the stigma of death and change its taboo status. At the end of every work day, she comes into my office to sit down and share stories of what she experienced. Seeing dead people in-person is a shock and takes time to adjust to. She is doing an admirable job. It is such a pleasure to have lovely long conversations with this well-spoken, thoughtful young woman.

Finally, tonight, we all sat down to a delicious fondue feast prepared by Hanna and Markus and listened to Simon’s shocking work story. Forget dead people. He works at Gold’s Gym and today he helped thwart a robbery by a small group of young guys who have been committing a string of robberies at other Gold’s Gyms in the surrounding area. As we all exclaimed our shock and we broke out into chatter about how brave Simon was, I looked around and was struck by how brave we all are. There was a threat of a school shooting in our neighborhood just yesterday. There was an emailed threat at Hanna’s university today. There was a young man in a casket at Emily’s work, who died from fentanyl-laced drugs, leaving his family to grieve forever.

The world is fracturing. While we aren’t paying attention, we are growing more distant, it is becoming easier to say harsh things to one-another without empathy, and groups of people are shutting out others just because they are different. We all could use some Emmy’s Glue. Smile at a stranger, say hello when you walk into a room, hug the people you love and tell them you love them before you say goodbye.

Happy Birthday to our sweet Emily – we thank you for keeping our family stuck together. I’m so sorry I’m a few hours late. I l-o-v-e-y-o-u, my E-m-i-l-y!

 

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